• Dr. Matt Zakreski

Why We Blame Ourselves for Everything

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If you find yourself trying to blame yourself or other people's or the world's problems, it is likely that it's a coping strategy.

People feel really overwhelmed by emotional crisis. When we feel overwhelmed, we feel out of control. When we feel out of control, we seek to gain any control we can, often however we can (so it can be irrational).

By making yourself a part of the problem, you make things more controllable. If you can try to fix the problem you are faced with (even if it wasn't yours to begin with), your brain is telling you that it is better than having no control.

But when you insert yourself into a problem, you can make it worse. You bring your own insecurities, biases, and history. More often than not, we are better off when we remove ourselves from problems that don't directly involve us.

If you feel overwhelmed by a problem that's external to you, you can do three things:

1) Remind the person that you're there if they need help

2) take care of yourself so you can help if you are called to do so

3) focus on bringing positivity in ways that you can control.

It is also helpful to acknowledge this pattern (to yourself or others) if it is relevant to you. Naming things help us regulate ourselves

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